Talking Smack: Will Smith and the Consequences of Rage
It was the smack heard ‘round the world: Will Smith, enraged by Oscar-host Chris Rock’s joke about Jada Pinkett Smith’s shaved head, climbed on stage and smacked Chris across the face. After returning to his seat, Will bellowed out across the auditorium, “Keep my wife’s name out your f***ing mouth!” Audience members and viewers across the world were stunned.
We can only speculate as to the true reasoning behind the violence. Was Smith simply defending his wife’s honor against the cruel jester mocking her alopecia? Certainly, there’s some legitimacy to this theory and to the demands of “honor culture” (especially prevalent here in the south) which often requires physical retribution for perceived slights against one and one’s family. Of course, many across social media have speculated Will was releasing on Chris all the pent-up rage he had toward August Alsina, the rapper with whom Jada had an “entanglement.” There’s likely some truth to this as well: it’s very common for us men to use anger as a means to avoid feeling small. If a driver cuts us off, we have to teach him respect! If a guy bumps into us at the bar, we can’t let him get away with it! If a comedian makes fun of our wife’s haircut, we might feel the urge to start swinging!
We can’t know for certain what was going through Will’s head, but we certainly know the consequences: he was banned from the Oscars for 10 years, only days after his first and long-awaited Oscar win. His name will forever be tainted by this misjudgment. And, his prolific film career may suffer for it: few directors may be willing to work with an actor now known for an explosive, violent temper. It’s also worth noting, Will escaped potentially serious legal ramifications only because Chris Rock gracefully declined to press charges.
What can we learn from the smack and its consequences? First, this is just one more example that violence rarely solves problems. Instead, it often compounds them. Marcus Aurelius wrote, “How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.” And, how right ‘Ole Marc was: anger can cost you your reputation, your career, and even your freedom. Second, although we sometimes use anger to avoid feeling small, “Hulking-out” only feeds into the cycle of shame. Even if you feel momentarily powerful, the consequences of your rage often lead to intense feelings of guilt and humiliation. As evidence, look at Will’s tearful apology. Third, it’s ideal to “do the work” to manage your anger BEFORE you start smacking people in front of the whole world. Still, yesterday may have been the best time to start anger management, but today is a real close second.
If you’re dealing with feelings of anger or the consequences of rage, give me a call at Koontz Counseling and Anger Management. I’d love to speak with you about our treatment options.
